Judge this Cover by Brittany Renner Book Review

giphy (3)
Mood after reading Judge this Cover by Brittany Renner

The comments from a vast amount of people in her comments were typical. “She’s doing it for attention”. “She’s a hoe”. “Fathers, please stay in your daughters lives”. “Instagram thots at it again”. “Save your money, this book wasn’t juicy or about shit”. And each time, all I could interpret was, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. Mentally, when she announced she was going to release her book, I already knew people were going to close their minds before they opened the fresh page and intake her story and her life lessons.

I do have one question to ask .. why is it so wrong for her to speak her truth? Because she dealt with men who are known? Because she’s willing to sit down and write her story for others to read, regardless of how those men may appear? Because she honestly doesn’t give a fuck and those on social media expect women to shut up, sleep with their favorites in private, and they bet not dare open their mouths? Oh, I get it. It’s because she freely expresses herself, both mentally, emotionally, and sexually. And people are not ready for that, not even an ounce. giphy (4)

Here’s a quick rundown in case you have yet read the book and could potentially be interested in it: Brittany has sat down and written her tales about seven men who have taught her life lessons. Those tales include her embracing her faults and toxic ways, their toxic ways, understanding sexual exploration and how it affects the males’ ego, and finally, what she has learned. But more importantly, it can be seen as a cautionary tale. How we often lack the love within ourselves and this lead to toxic love, toxic people, and us being toxic in return. Furthermore, understanding that as women, we have just as much right to explore our sexuality and have sexual freedom just as cis-gender males was fully dived into head first. Fuck the labels of society or people and fuck the labels of those who feel women should only be their object of desire. Only be used by one person or she is labeled as a vile instrument.

Note: There will be small spoilers from the book itself. If you don’t want to read any spoilers, purchase the book first and come back once you read it! Continue forward.

The first lesson begins with the chapter called Seth. In this chapter, Brittany mentions how she met Seth and I applaud her for being honest about her toxic ways in addition to his ways of being toxic. She still messed with him after finding out he had a girlfriend. From reading this chapter, she mentions the shift of power. Of no longer chasing him, made him want to chase her more. Give her the attention she desperately tried to capture and obtain. The attention was the spoon that stirred their toxic mixture together for a dangerous combination.

“When you make someone feel unimportant, there is a shift in power when the opposing party needs you to validate their ego. If you didn’t care that you had a girlfriend at home, then why should I? Not my relationship, not my problem”.

Judge This Cover – Brittany Renner

We need to be candid, especially with this thought process of that is common. This place steams from a lack of having a solid relationship with ourselves and establishing self-love with ourselves. If we can’t have a whole, we would rather have half. Not realizing the relationship with ourselves set the foundation of relationships with friends, family, and partners. We need to understand there are multiple forms of relationships as well. But, to have a healthy relationship with yourself and your partner(s), we have to be open and candid with each other. Learn what works best for us and what doesn’t. Open the line of communication up. Let honesty be the numbers we dial on that line of communication.

I want to dive into the pages of the other issue which stuck out like a sore thumb throughout the book. The issue of women not being expected to have more than one sexual partner and shamed if they have more than just one. Women are expected to be pure. Their pussy is only expected to be open to one dick and for that dick only while cisgender men can sling their dick left right, up down, around the corner, and down the mud hole.

“As our connection deepened, it was no coincidence when you randomly asked me if I had slept with anyone at school.” … “You wanted to hear that you were the only guy I did this with, to justify continuing a relationship with me. I Knew if I had told you the truth, I’d lose everything I worked so desperately to gain”.

Judge This Cover – Brittany Renner

Brittany summed up the question perfectly in her next question. What person, that’s secure with who they are, asks another about the number of people they have been sexually active with? Who asks that question only to pass judgment to a woman who isn’t afraid to have consensual sex with whoever she pleases?

“I was younger than you but had more bodies, which you would frequently remind me of how bad that look”.

Judge This Cover – Brittany Renner

giphy (5)

The fact she mentioned she only would have sex with him, even when he left to go see his girlfriend, and he turns around and throws her past sexual relations in her face as a rock shows how detrimental toxic partners want to use your past, your sexual liberation and freedom, to in a sense, slut shame without saying the actual words. But, let’s slut shame my girlfriend/boyfriend and expect them to still be my object of desire. My sex doll. I hate the mental process that is applied to doing sexual things with your partner who you may not feel comfortable doing them with, don’t feel comfortable doing, or may have an experience that with that even which was different from how others made it. Case in point, Brittany mentioned diving into the world of threesomes not because they both wanted to explore their sexuality and pleasure, but as a deter method of preventing him from cheating.

“I never spoke to any potential girl directly; when they thought they were talking to me, they wre really communicating back and forth with you. It was always you posing as me. You took nudes so we could get theirs in return. You treated me like an object;”

Judge This Cover – Brittany Renner

The notion of him not only using this as his own way of getting his sexual gratification but using her as the object to accomplish his mission open the insight into why it’s important for partners to be mutually on the same page when it concerns new sexual activities. If one partner is more into something compared to another partner, or completely taking all the actions without a 50/50 from the other partner, that’s a major sign which shouldn’t be ignored. If they aren’t even willing to get your input or opinion, that’s still a major sign. Just as anything else in the relationship that requires coming to a middle conclusion together, the same applies to both of your sexual lifestyle especially exploring new adventures together.

I tried to explain how you made me feel, but you just blamed my feelings on my own insecurities”. The next day, you told me despite my attempts to make the situation better, I failed miserably.”

Jude This Cover – Brittany Renner

Yet, reading the quote from the book provides the insight into WHY I mention it’s important for partners to be on the same page for new sexual activities and to COMMUNICATE their feelings before, during, and after it has been completed. Your partner is not someone who you can use just for your pleasure and desires only. They have pleasure and desires. Let me put it like this, WOMEN have pleasures and desires besides just pleasing their partner(s). In order to know how to please each other, to learn about positive sexual education and wellness, we have to communicate. We have to move away from the stigma of vanilla sex and open our minds to what our bodies feel an interest in. To positively do so without making ourselves or partner(s) feel shamed or negative about it.

“I made the interesting discovery that you didn’t like the girls who were more into women. Everything was always about you, and for a woman not to be enamored by your greatness made her “lost” or lesser than the ones who were”.

Judge This Cover – Brittany Renner

In the mentioned excerpt from the book, this is where Renner got the chance to explore her sexuality. To explore something that both of them agreed to. However, and this is a big notice when she was beginning to enjoy it. Taking the time not just to enjoy sex, but explore her sexuality and embrace sexual exploration. Of course, not only was Seth highly upset about it but devalue women who were not attracted to his masculine energy or in a nutshell, didn’t give a damn about being more sexually active with him compared to Brittany. His ego was so disturbed, he left in the middle of sex. So, not only was she with a partner who she engaged with sexual exploration to prevent him from cheating  but now she’s enjoying just as much and getting just as much attention with other partners, he’s upset. He’s PISSED! His dick can be the only one getting stroked. His mind can be the only one getting all the euphorias and pleasure. And, he’ll be DAMNED if his girlfriend or any woman tend to enjoy themselves just as much as he does. So, not only was she his plaything in the bedroom, but she could only be his plaything. Her pleasures were limited to what he felt she was allowed. And, if she felt like exploring with him as they both agreed on, he would resort to using what she’s done in the past against her. That’s not in the slightest bit allowing both partners to enjoy themselves and explore sexually together. It’s damaging in every form possible.

Let’s not ignore the fact of cisgender men feeling two women can’t possibly please each other without using a male to do so. From this scenario, it also highlights the way men believe women should and can only get their pleasure from a man. To see anything different. To be proven wrong right before their very eyes is like a weapon in the war of killing the male’s ego.

“I so desparately wanted you to be the one to bring me to climax, but you never did. Whenever I got close but it didn’t happen right when you wanted it to, you threw your hands up in frustration”.

Judge This Cover – Brittany Renner

Remember how I mentioned she was learning her sexuality and learning her body sexually and he was disturbed by this? The above excerpt highlights the importance of ensuring you have a partner who takes the time to learn your body. Who takes the time to bring you pleasure just as you made sure they got their pleasure. Who doesn’t become frustrated because it’s not at the same exact moment as they want it to be. It’s not a stopwatch. It’s not a button you press to turn on and stop at your every command, every moment, and when you feel like it. Imagine women who have medical reasons that affect them from enjoying pleasures and sex. The women who have vaginitis, chronic illnesses, or a plethora of other reasons that can affect women (and people in general) sexually. What if that woman may not know that’s the reason for her not getting pleasure as she’s hoping for? Do you think it would be best to get frustrated, to give up, to place the blame upon her for something she has no control over instead of working together? I stress this time and time again for this reason alone! You need a partner who is positive not just emotionally and mentally, but sexually as well. Otherwise, do you think it would be positive for you? Do you think the relationship overall will last with someone who is negative emotionally, mentally, and sexually?

giphy (7)

“I felt so insecure about my body in the pursuit of seeking validation from you.”

Judge This Cover – Brittany Renner

I can’t express this enough. The confidence we should have in ourselves and our self-love should always, always, always come first. We should be so confident within our bodies and who we are, that anything a partner has to say in a malicious manner should feel like a joke. Pretty much, they are the joke! I won’t say that we shouldn’t feel hurt by it because it’s human nature.  We care what our partner(s) whom we are intimate in every way think or feel about how we look and who. To be quite frank, we can’t help to feel that it matters. So, to hear anything different or negative can make us feel like we aren’t enough for them. In reality, they aren’t enough for you. There’s a difference between looking out for your partner (caring about them and wanting to make sure they are healthy )and wanting them to reach the epitome of themselves vs. pushing your agenda into who you want them to be. Or who you feel they should resemble. That is not love. That applies to the making your partner your object and only an object not realizing they are more than an object of desire to be used and discarded when you are done. Any partner who handles someone they “care” about as if a trophy on that’s on a shelf for guests to look at doesn’t deserve you. Realize, we set the foundation of our relationship. We set the foundation of how we demand others to treat us in a relationship through the relationship we first establish with ourselves. It’s where confidence, understanding, and self-love of ourselves plays a critical role in life.

“A lot of your comments would refer to my past; this time you called me a misguided whore that had racked up so many bodies at a young age. You said you should’ve never taken me seriously.”

Judge This Cover – Brittany Renner

To tell your partner(s) you should have never taken them seriously all because of them doing what they please is beyond insecure. It’s manipulative. It’s to say you are better and they are the scum beneath your shoe. It’s to say they are the trash someone set on the curb because they are damaged, all because of them doing what they want when it comes to their sexual lifestyle and freedom. It’s to put the notion of sex being the ONLY reason you wouldn’t take them seriously. Instead of focusing on other reasons such as if they are toxic, you would rather put it on them being free to explore their sexuality and learn what they enjoy and don’t enjoy in their sexual life as a reason to “justify” someone status in your life. That’s not a solid reason whether people want to believe it or not. No one should feel they can’t explore their sexuality due to the opinions of the potential partner(s). It limits them learning more about their body and what they like or don’t like. It limits people to a standard that just shouldn’t be applied to anyone walking this beautiful earth.

“I was young minded and fresh out of a situation where “body count” mattered, which is why I asked. In truth, it shouldn’t matter at all”.

Judge This Cover – Brittany Renner

When we get out of relationships, there’s no doubt we carry toxic ways into new relationships. We tend to put some of the toxic attitudes, words, and behaviors in a nice bag, wrap it up, then unwrap it on the new person as if it to yell SURPRISE! Yet, the primary toxic thought carried into a relationship or the dating phase for some people is the “body count mentality”. This mentality judges the potential partner(s) based on the number your subjective opinion feel is appropriate for them. Some believe a woman should still be a virgin and they should be the first to “break her in”. Others believe a woman is permitted to only having two sexual partners. And even then, that’s still too many! Anything over two just makes them an automatic hoe in their eyes. If a person didn’t have “enough” on their body count, then it makes them inexperienced and not suitable for that person. Once again, it all boils down to the judgment instead of thinking outside of the box and not letting this be a factor when getting to know someone. Society and how we grew up taught us that sex is something that is strictly vanilla. For procreation only. Anyone else who ventures outside of the box is a hoe, slut, freaky, everything under the sun but their name they were born with. The negative standpoint and mindset is the contribution to why there’s a lack of proper sexual education, education around STI’s, and a lack of encouragement for people (especially women) to learn their bodies and minds in relation to sexuality.

“I never thought I’d be the type to find pleasure in being choked and slapped, but because it was you, I was with. You liked seeing how far I would let you take it. I didn’t expect to be so turned on by you grabbing my face and spitting in my mouth just to suck it all back up and finish with a long sloppy kiss.”

Judge This Cover – Brittany Renner

I want to say one thing; Own. That. Shit. Own what you enjoy when you are being pleased or pleasing your partner(s). If you like feet, own it! If you like to be submissive, own it! If you happen to enjoy role-playing or certain fantasies, own it! Don’t allow yourself to be pushed away from sexual desires or expanding your sexual wellness and education. Too many times we often are not satisfied because of the belief of how society feels about the sexual realm and certain things such as fantasies, desires, pleasure products, and even types of clothing. We see that and often think we couldn’t engage in it because only a certain demographic engages in it. So wrong in every sense. When we allow ourselves to learn our bodies and explore our sexuality, we realize how much we limit our pleasures and ourselves. Open your mind. Take the time to explore the sexual realm and see that there is so much information and positivity out there. You just have to take a shift in your mind and don’t allow anyone to place you in a box. And if they do, fuck them!

giphy (9)

“When we got on the subject of previous partners, I didn’t shy away from the whole truth. I wasn’t ashamed of the guys I had been with and had nothing to hide. On the other hand, it was never your fucking business to begin with, but I was comfortable with my truth. I pride myself on being an honest person in a day and age when that’s considered a superpower”.

Judge This Cover – Brittany Renner

As we grow, we move away from toxic mentalities during the dating and relationship phase. As Brittany stated, which I was so proud of her, it’s none of your fucking business to question any person about their “body count”. Even then, honesty and body count revelations never mix together. It’s like oil and water. Some feel they have to lie about their numbers to appear as if they haven’t “been around” while others feel they should exaggerate the numbers to appear as if they know what their doing or the most sought-after piece of meat in the meat aisle. Take that sentence in bold with you and apply it to your life. It’s none of your business especially if it’s being used as a tool to judge, not to protect yourself or your partner(s).

At the time, you seemed accepting of the choices I made prior to you, but I couldn’t have been more wrong“. … “I don’t regret not lying to you; it just should’ve never mattered who I was with before you”.

Judge This Cover – Brittany Renner

Can we focus on the sentence in bold for a moment? Accepting of the choices I made prior to you. First of all, who we dealt with in the past before our current partner(s) do not need any acceptance nor validation from them. Who cares if they approved of our body count? Honestly, who should give a fuck if they approve of a certain person we dated? It’s not about them. It’s about YOU. It’s about what YOU wanted to do. It’s about if you wanted to have consensual sex with those individuals. It’s about you doing what you felt at that moment and how you felt like doing it. To be judged for your sexual freedom and expression opens the mind of that person and it picks out a piece of a puzzle from their mind. That person is insecure and weak. Weak for projecting their judgments upon you and believing the sun, earth, and universe revolves around them. Insecure for not taking the time to understand the people you’ve dealt with in the past has no reflection upon them and who they are or your interest in them. There’s no doorway to open for them to judge who you are or what you’ve done. It doesn’t diminish your light in the slightest bit.

“You threw things I did in the past before you in my face like I wasn’t the one who told you”.

Judge This Cover – Brittany Renner

To throw anything a person has done in their face is due to insecurity, emotional abuse, and a violation of their trust. It’s a way to make one appear they are better than their partner. As if to soothe any feelings about themselves and to buffer their insecurities all the while diminishing their partner’s confidence. It’s to say “You aren’t allowed to have any sexual pleasures or sexual exploration. You’re my doll and that’s it. Anything else makes you less than a person”. It’s to further place women into a box confined for men. Listen to Joe Budden opinion about the book. He continuously references it as a tell-all book but refuses to listen to his guests, specifically the women, who have a different look. When men speak about their sexual needs, desires, escapades with women in their music and truly live by it in real life, we have to overlook them. We can’t throw what they have done in their faces because they get a pat on the back. However, let a woman do the same and she’s labeled as desperate, crazy, a hoe, etc. It’s acceptable to throw her ways or past into her face because of what she’s being labeled as. But IT’S NOT! Brittany further proved this issue with the way men and some women are reacting to the book. There are women stating a woman can’t have the freedom to explore her sexuality. She’s dead wrong if she does. It’s why I stress the importance of sex positivity and being surrounded by those who are open-minded and understand the meaning of a healthy sexual lifestyle and continuing our education regarding sexual realm.

“I wanted to change up my typical procedure, so I went into the situation with no intention of having sex. My goal was to appear wholesome”.  …

“Of course me being me, I couldn’t even fake having a lick of class without leaving you with something to remember”. “I didn’t have to suck you dick, but I wanted to because once you get the hang of it, it becomes an art”.

Judge This Cover – Brittany Renner

Can we visit the path of owning your shit, consensual sex, and doing whatever the hell you want? Can we visit the path of sexual freedom and expression without giving an ounce of care of the next person’s opinion about it? Can we take a nice walk in the park called empowerment in our sexuality and sex positivity? I think we should. Too often, I hear women shy away from doing something because of how they feel an image will be cast upon them. I hear women say they would love to do something, but when asking a friend’s opinion about it, they completely back away from it because of hearing their friend perspectives. What you want to do, whether that’s sleeping with someone on the first date, having a one night stand, engaging in consensual sex with multiple partners, do it! How a friend, society, or someone who’s opinion is not your own feels should not worry you because just as men have the freedom to engage in various sexual freedom and partners, women do as well. Just as we learn about ourselves emotionally, mentally, and physically, the door is open for us to learn ourselves sexually.

The sexiest you’ll feel is when you can be comfortable just being yourself. Material items, your relationship status, how many followers you have, or what’s in your bank account will never fill the voids in your heart”.

Judge This Cover – Brittany Renner

Social media has made us feel like it’s better to be another person. We look at people who show their lives throughout social media and feel as if life will be 100xs better being them. Not realizing the thing, person, and life we are looking for is right inside of us. It’s who we are. It’s already there. We have to work towards it, but it’s there. You know what feels so damn good? Being yourself. Being who you are completely. Embracing the way you walk, talk, think, look, feel. Just being unapologetically you.

“I realized my Queen within. New levels bring new devils. The monsters will always want back in. Lying is easy but it gets you nowhere; hence the truth being the greatest gift you can give to yourself and others”.

Judge This Cover – Brittany Renner

“Accountability can feel sobering yet excruciating with being exposed to the reality of your relection. You must hold a mirror to your bullshit, rebuking toxic behaviors and self-destructive thinking.”

Judge This Cover – Brittany Renner

As I stated at the beginning of the blog and for the past few weeks, this book was not a tell-all book. Yes, it was her speaking her experiences of the seven lessons she obtained from dating seven men who taught her something valuable. Yes, she was not afraid to speak about what she went through with them, how she felt and release everything that was bottled up within her. At the same time, she provided words of value. Of not just putting the blame on people in our past relationships but look at our flaws and toxic ways as well. What’s something can we work on to better ourselves? Are we always rude to our partner? Are we disrespectful to our partner(s)? Do we allow a partner to run up and down our spine, further damaging us and weakening us to the point of no longer being able to stand solidly in who we are?

“You have to make it your duty to be true to yourself and it starts with authenticity. Authenticity is the practice of unlearning all the heavily-distorted, narrow-minded views of what you were told to be, and instead, being who you truly want to be. ”

Judge This Cover – Brittany Renner

This book had so many gems dropped on us. She was blunt. She was honest. She was truthful in her light of not giving a fuck. Even when she knew people were going to take this book and go completely left with it, she still provided gems that can be applied to your life. That can even help people going through their own shit and reading someone else life lessons can truly help. More importantly, the fact of being free with your sexuality and not limiting it to appease someone’s else ego or help soothe their mind needs to be thrown out in the world more! We need to tackle the toxic mindset, especially of men, who believe women should not have sexual freedom and expression. Who believe women can only be their sex doll and find it appropriate to judge any woman based off her body, her sexuality, or being sex positive. Be you. If that person you’re interested in can’t accept you for you or want to place you in their own mold, fuck them. BE YOU!


giphy (6)

The book had so many gems that weren’t included in the review so of course, I’m telling you to hop over to Amazon and get it for yourself. Pick apart the book and her words. Allow yourself to get a different perspective and understanding.

You can purchase Judge This Cover by Brittany Renner via Amazon.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s